Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
