i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize