she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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