I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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