are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
