Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
