I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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