My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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