So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
