those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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