He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
