Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize