He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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