fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
