I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
