alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
