Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
