Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
