If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
