he wants to bone in the snuggie
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
