You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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