Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
