I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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