Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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