Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
