Where is the hickey?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
