True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
