discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
