Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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