she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
