oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
