so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
