Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
