Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
