how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
