Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
