Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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