Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
