"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
