I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
