I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize