The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
third nipple confirmed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
did i just pee glitter
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
