Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize