i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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