had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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