Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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