so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My balls are so social today.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
