I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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