Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
