I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
