Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize