Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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