It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
