Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
