i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Life is so much better after having sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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