i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
