the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
