You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
