That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
