Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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