sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize