brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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