I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
