what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
