I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize