I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
