Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
