am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize