Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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