Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
