You're so nebulous sometimes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
