her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize