This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize