U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
