you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
