and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
