I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
