But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is the high leading the old right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
