Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize