I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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