Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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