he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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