At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
