Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
