I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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