Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
