It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you.
Bad choice
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