oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
