I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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