we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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