She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
