I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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