Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
