I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
