Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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