Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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