i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
