so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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