cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize