I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
