Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
